TRAVEL QUESTIONS YOU’RE TOO POLITE (OR EMBARRASSED) TO ASK

 

 

Travel is supposed to be magical — breezy airport strolls, flawless hotel check-ins, and sunsets so pretty they practically post themselves. In reality? It’s a sweaty, overpriced obstacle course filled with bad coffee, delayed flights and too many people named Greg walking around shirtless.

 

We all have questions. The kinds of questions you whisper into the void while stuck in a security line that moves slower than a snail in quicksand. Don’t worry — I’ll say the things you’re too polite to. And I’ll answer them honestly, because that’s what you deserve!

 

 

 

Why is my flight always delayed, and why do they keep lying to me about it?

 

Because air travel is basically a logistical Jenga tower, and one guy sneezing on a plane to Chicago can ruin your flight from Miami to Lisbon. Also, airlines will never tell you the truth because “We have no idea what’s happening” doesn’t look good on the departure board. Actually, it would look great on the departure board, and everyone would have a good laugh and it would relieve the tension!

 

 

Is the “hidden gem” I saw on TikTok actually worth going to?

 

No. Because if it’s on TikTok, it’s no longer hidden. By the time you get there 7,000 influencers with ring lights will already be doing yoga poses in the exact spot you wanted to go… to take a picture.

 

 

How clean is my hotel room really?

 

Do you really want to know? Let me put it this way: the remote control is basically a petri dish. The bedspread? Basically untouched since the Bush administration. Bring sanitizing wipes, and don’t think too hard about it. You’ll live. 

 

That’s the first Bush administration, by the way.

 

 

 

 

 

Is tipping optional?

 

No. And if you’re asking this, I’d like to invite you to rethink your life choices. Tip generously unless someone has literally set your hair on fire. Even then, at least 10%. (OK, you don’t have to then.)

 

 

Why does airport food cost more than my plane ticket?

 

Because airports are where capitalism goes feral. The bagel you just paid $16 for cost the café about 37 cents. Welcome to the hustle.

 

 

Are travel influencers lying to us?

 

Obviously. No one looks that happy eating their fourth plate of room-temperature avocado toast while pretending their flight delay is “a vibe.” Instagram is curated delusion, and you’re just seeing the edited highlight reel.

 

 

Do locals secretly hate tourists?

 

Yes. And also no. It depends on how you behave. If you’re the kind of tourist who blocks the sidewalk to take 47 photos of a ladder, they probably hate you. If you’re kind, respectful and attempt at least three words in their language you’re fine.

 

 

Is my airline seat really the cleanest place to eat my pretzels?

 

Absolutely not. That tray table is covered in everything from dried ketchup to someone else’s toddler’s cough. Use a wipe. Or, you know, just develop an iron immune system like the rest of us.

 

 

Is it actually cheaper to book on a Tuesday?

 

Sometimes. Sometimes not. The travel industry is basically a casino, and you’re the one pulling the lever. The truth? Prices fluctuate constantly and your best bet is using price alerts instead of believing in mythical “deal days.”

 

 

Why does my luggage always get “randomly searched”?

 

Because airport security is 50% science and 50% chaos. Sometimes your bag gets pulled because it looks “suspicious.” Sometimes because you packed too many snacks. Sometimes they’re bored.

 

 

Is it ever okay to recline my airplane seat?

 

Yes, but only if you do it slowly and with a sense of shame. We all know you’re suffering in economy, but slamming your seat back mid-lunch is a war crime.

 

 

What’s the one thing people do on vacation that locals hate most?

 

Walk around shirtless when they shouldn’t. It’s a village, not a pool party. Put your clothes on, Greg.

 

 

How many souvenirs are too many?

 

If you need to buy an extra suitcase to bring home all your “authentic artisan” fridge magnets, you’ve gone too far. But one small, meaningful thing — or just take a photo and stop pretending your aunt wants another snow globe 

 

 

What is the worst travel mistake everyone makes?

 

Assuming they’ll “find time to relax.” You won’t. You’ll run around trying to “do it all” and then collapse in your overpriced hotel bed with shin splints and unanswered work emails.

 

 

Why do we feel broke after a vacation?

 

Because you are. Summer travel is basically a financial scam we all agree to participate in. Ice cream: $9. Parking: $45. One cocktail at the “trendy” bar: the cost of your firstborn. 

 

 

Wait tell me one more time — why is my flight always delayed, and why do they keep lying to me about it?

 

Because air travel is a giant domino chain of chaos. Airlines lie. “We’re waiting for the crew” actually means they’re still hungover at the Marriott Courtyard. 

 

And maybe it’s worse than that.

 

 

Why does every  tourist attraction suck in real life?

 

Because you were tricked by Photoshop and clever Instagram angles. The Mona Lisa is tiny. Times Square smells like hot garbage. That famous “secret beach”? It’s crawling with influencers in floppy hats and bad attitudes. 

 

 

Why do I always overpack?

 

Because you lie to yourself every time. You’re not going to wear that third pair of metallic sandals. You will wear the same T-shirt three days in a row and hate yourself when you realize your bag weighs as much as a small elephant.

 

 

Are airports just designed to make us cry?

 

Yes. They’re part mall, part DMV, part psychological experiment in how much overpriced trail mix one human can buy before losing their mind.

 

 

What’s with people clapping when the plane lands?

 

I don’t know, but it needs to stop. You didn’t just survive a moon landing. You sat in a chair and ate pretzels while someone else did all the work.

 

 

Is travel insurance worth it, or is it just another scam?

 

If you enjoy gambling with thousands of dollars in nonrefundable flights, skip it. If you like sleeping at night, buy it.

 

 

Why do Europeans look effortlessly chic while travelling, and I look like a melted burrito?

 

Because they care. They also have small wardrobes, better tailoring, and don’t think leggings count as pants.

 

 

Are airport lounges worth the hype?

 

Yes, because free champagne tastes better when you don’t have to drink it next to Gate 72’s charging station, where someone’s toddler is screaming about fruit snacks.

 

 

 

 

Why do all rental cars smell weird?

 

Because someone definitely ate Taco Bell in the backseat and then Febrezed it. That’s why.

 

 

Should I take hotel toiletries?

 

Absolutely. They’re yours now. Build a shrine of tiny shampoos at home. Live your truth

 

 

I know you want to ask this AGAIN: What’s the worst mistake tourists make?

 

Thinking you “blend in.” You don’t. Your backpack, baseball cap, and wide-eyed panic give you away. But embrace it. 

 

 

Why do “budget airlines” hate us?

 

Because they know we’ll endure anything for a $49 fare. You’ll pay for the seat, the bag, the privilege of breathing –- and by the end, you’ve spent as much as a regular airline ticket, but with trauma.

 

 

Why does my vacation never feel relaxing?

 

Because you turned it into a competitive sport. You schedule 13 activities in one day to “make the most of it.” 

 

Congratulations, you need a vacation from your vacation! And when you say that in the time honored cliched manner back at work, it’ll be true.

 

 

Why does my passport photo look like I’m on parole?

 

Because that’s the point. The camera is designed to strip you of joy, soul, and cheekbones. It’s like TSA’s way of saying, “Welcome to international travel, peasant.”

 

Look, travel is chaos. It’s lines and lost luggage, crying babies on planes, and the dawning realization that your “hidden gem” destination is about as hidden as a Starbucks in midtown. And yet… we keep doing it.

 

Why? Because even in the middle of the mess, there are those moments sipping espresso on a side street while the world hums around you; watching the ocean swallow the sun, or laughing so hard with friends that you don’t even care how much this trip is costing you.

 

So here’s the secret: ask the questions, embrace the madness, and remember that travel isn’t about perfection — just like your normal life, it’s imperfect. And it’s about stories. 

 

And nothing makes a better story than a flight delay, a weird-smelling rental car, and a Greg who refuses to wear his shirt. 

 

Well, maybe not nothing.